Monday

A)
Back squat
3-2-1-1, 40X1; 3:00 rest

215(3), 235(2), 255, 265

B)
1-arm DB row (bench supported)
3 x 4-6/side, 20X0; :45 between sides

60(6), 60(5), 60(5R/4L)

C)
10:00 @ 80% effort
4 perfect push-ups
7 deadlifts, 145
10m double kettlebell front rack walking lunges, 25-35/hand

7 rounds + 4 push-ups with 35/hand

D)
3 sets
4-8 weighted glute-ham raises
12 Russian twists (1 = 1 in each direction)

+10(8), +20(4), +20(4)

Monday

A)
Back squat
3-3-3-3, 40X1; 2:00-3:00 rest

215, 225, 230, 230

B)
1-arm DB row (bench supported)
3 x 5-8/side, 20X0; :45 between sides

50, 55, 60(5)

C)
5 sets steady for movement quality
3 perfect push-ups
6 deadlifts, 155
15m goblet walking lunges
:60 rest

Complete with 53

D)
3 sets
10 glute-ham raises
10 Russian twists (1 = 1 in each direction)

Complete

Monday

A) Back squat: 5-5-5, 40X1; 2:00-3:00 rest

185, 205, 205 - shoulder loosened up set by set and the difference wasn't nearly as noticeable by the end... makes sense, since this is the first time I've put it in that position and external rotation is still a bit stiff

B) 1-arm DB row (bench supported): 3 x 7-10/side, 20X0; :45 between sides

40, 45, 50(7)

C) 10:00 for reps & movements quality: 2 perfect push-ups 4 deadlifts, 145 8 alternating pistols 32 double-unders

6 rounds + 4 deadlifts

D) 3 sets: 10 glute-ham raises 10 Russian twists (1 = 1 in each direction)

Complete

Saturday

A) Snatch-grip deadlift (no halting this week)

5-5-5, 31X1; :60 rest

B) 1-arm DB shoulder press from bottom of lunge (opposite arm of front leg)

3 x 6-8/side, 21X1; :30 between sides, :60 rest

C) 50:00 Assault Bike @ Z2

off every 5:00 for 4 glute-ham raises + 6 glute-ham sit-ups

A. 123 across - unable to maintain a goddamn hookgrip

B. 20(8), 25(6), 25(5)

C. complete, 52-54 RPMs

+

all the shoulder stuff between B&C

first time reaching back with both hands on the glute-ham sit-ups!

Saturday

AM

30:00 AirDyne @ Z1

PM

A) Halting snatch-grip deadlift (:01 pauses 1" off ground & just below knees on way up & way down)

6 x 1; :90 rest

B) Seated 1-arm DB shoulder press

build quickly to a challenging 5 for each side (can be different loads)

C) 48:00 Assault Bike @ Z2

off every 6:00 for 5 glute-ham raises + 6 glute-ham sit-ups

A. 123, 133, 143, 153, 153, 153
B. 25(R), 35(L)
C. complete
+
all the shoulder stuff between B&C

Saturday

A) Snatch-grip deadlift

3-2-1-1-1, 31X1; :60 rest

B) Seated 1-arm DB shoulder press

5 x 3-4/arm starting w/R and matching w/L, 21X1; :30 between arms, :60 rest

C) 40:00 Assault Bike @ Z2

off every 5:00 for 5 glute-ham raises

A. 133(3), 143(2), 153, 163, 173

B. 20, 25(4), 25(3), 25(2), 25(3)

C. complete, 52-54 RPMs

Added between B&C: 

3 sets of 10: 

hammer curl, 15/hand 

bicep curl, 12/hand 

tricep kickback, 15/hand 

+ 

3 sets of 10: 

side-lying external rotation, 3/hand 

elbow-on-knee external rotation, 3/hand 

serratus punches, 20/hand 

+ 

3 sets of 10: 

seesaw bench press, 20/hand 

1-arm row, 30/hand 

+ 

3 sets of 5: 

strict pull-ups, green band 

dip progressions

Saturday

A) Snatch-grip deadlift

5 x 3-4, 31X1; :60 rest

B) Seated 1-arm DB shoulder press

5 x 4-5/arm starting w/R and matching w/L, 21X1; :30 between arms, :60 rest

C) 35:00 Assault Bike @ Z2

off every 5:00 for 5 glute-ham raises

A. 123, 133, 138(3), 138(3), 138(3)

B. 20(5), 25(3), 20(5), 25(2), 25(5)

C. complete, 53-55 RPMs / 280 calories

Saturday

A) Snatch-grip deadlift
5 x 4-6, 31X1; 2:30 rest
B) Seated 1-arm DB shoulder press
3 x 5-6/arm starting w/R and matching w/L, 21X1; :60 between arms
C) 30:00 Assault Bike @ Z2
off every 5:00 for 5 glute-ham raises

A. 83, 93, 103, 113(4), 113(4) - can't hang on to a hok grip at 113
B. 15, 20(6), 20(6)
C. complete, 53-55 RPMs / 240 calories

As a warm-up: 

3 sets: 

Crossover symmetry 

Z-press, PVC 

0:30 active hang from bar 

In between B&C: 

3 sets, 10 each: 

hammer curl, 12, 15, 15 

bicep curl, 12 

floor press, 30/hand 

tricep pull-down, red band 

+

 3 sets: 

4 perfect and very slow pull-ups, with purple band 

10 dip progressions

Thursday

AM @MobilityFit

2 sets:

Assisted ROM on the assault bike 

Hinged flexion stretch 

Wall climbs with fingers 

Isometric RC holds, just 6 ways 

Internal/external rotation to neutral 

3-way bicep curl 

Scap retraction on crossover symmetry, purple 

Gentle ROM on the erg, feet on the ground 

400m sled drag, 45

PM @CSC

60:00 Assault bike, off every 10:00 for: 

lunge to the GHD

8 hip extensions 

8 glute-ham raises

lunge back to the bike

(just 5 sets)

PM2 @Oakley Pool 

10:00 assisted ROM

Today was a success! 

1) I did not cry at PT.  We cut the subscap internal rotation isometric holds and limited the ROM on the wall climbs, which have been the two most painful things. Plus, I took a lot of time between movements and Drew sent me out for a couple of "active recovery" sled drags to give my shoulder a break. Still significantly uncomfortable just at rest, but didn't surpass my tolerance level. 

2) I ate lunch with my right hand, without even thinking about it. 

3) My ROM underwater is fantastic. It's SO WEIRD. Against gravity, I can barely move my arm, in any direction (although it's better than it was on Monday). But underwater? I can get 80-90% in all directions (except internal/external rotation) completely pain-free. It hurts like hell when I get out, but Drew said he expected that. I still feel ridiculous standing in the middle of the pool just waving my arms around, but who gives a shit. It feels fantastic. 

Monday

A. Safety bar squat, 3-3-3+ @ 200-210-225; 3:00 rest
B. L-arm KB/DB shrug, 3 x 5-6, 20X2; :90 rest
C1. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 9-12 unweighted; :10 rest
C2. Hip extensions, 3 x 20; 2:00 rest
+
AMRAP in 3:00:
Assault Bike calories

A. 4 @ 225

B. 70, 88, 100(5)

C1. 12 across 

C2. complete 

+

47

Disappointed with how heavy the squats felt - pretty sure I would have failed a 5th rep today, and 5 at 225 was solid 2 months ago. Chalking this up to nutrition (or lack thereof). It doesn't even matter I guess, since we are going to have to start this all over in a month or two. 

Went out way hot on the bike (70+ RPMs) and almost quit :90 in. Dropped down to 60 RPMs for a minute, then picked it back up to 70 in the final :30. It's been a long time since I did something that hurt that much. Actually, it's been exactly 14 weeks since I did 10:00 for calories, so that's exactly how long it's been since a good Fran cough. 

Goddamn, this blows. 

Monday

AM @ MobilityFit

44:00 Assault bike

+

passive ROM, emphasis on internal rotation

+

trigger point work with a ball

+

isometric lower trap holds

PM

A. Safety bar squat, 5-5-5+ @ 185-200-210; 3:00 rest
B. L-arm KB/DB shrug, 3 x 6-8, 20X2; :90 rest
C1. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 10 unweighted; :10 rest
C2. Hip extensions, 3 x 15 unweighted; :10 rest
C3. Sorensen hold, 3 x :30; 2:00 rest
+
3 sets:
:45 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort that's sustainable within & across all 3 sets, reign it in a bit from last week
5:15 Assault Bike spin

A. 6 @ 210

B. 35, 53, 70(6)

C. complete 

+

complete, 74 RPMs across


Squats felt fucking heavy. This annoys me.

Shrugs were weird. 

GHD stuff was fine; Sorensen holds got tough, but no issues.

Felt pukey and lightheaded after the 3rd bike sprint, but didn't drop off at all, so mission accomplished.

Shoulder feels pretty terrible again. I noticed it a little bit yesterday, but I tried to ignore it.  Slept like shit last night and woke up every hour when I rolled over, and sure, enough, this morning the effect of the cortisone was almost completely worn off. It's not quite as bad as it was before the cortisone, but I'm getting the broken glass feeling in the anterior capsule with any external rotation, and the muscles are still completely seized up (teres minor is the worst, but it's pretty much everything), which is just uncomfortable but not painful. Drew thought maybe the microtrauma of dry needling was a factor, so we skipped it today, but it really feels like it needs it. Skyped with Mike today and he suggested that the muscles are having to work overtime to stabilize an unstable joint, which makes sense. It definitely feels like they're guarding the shoulder.

On the plus side, internal rotation is really coming along. I may be able to fasten a normal bra behind my back at some point soon. 

Drew, Mike and Stephen all suggested that I text Tim. FML. I just don't know what he'd say that he didn't say last week. Mike said that the cortisone is also diagnostic information for him, though, and he needs to know that it's not working as intended. I'll hold off until I see how much worse it gets over the next few days...

Monday

AM @ MobilityFit
30:00 Assault bike
+
dry needling of death
+
3 sets:
isometric subscap hold, 10 x 0:30
earthquake bar

PM

A. Safety bar squat, 5-5-5 (no extra reps) @ 145-155-165; 3:00 rest
B1. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 5 weighted; :10 rest
B2. Hip extensions, 3 x 10 weighted; :10 rest
B3. Sorensen hold, 3 x :30; 2:00 rest
+
3 sets:
:40 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort that's sustainable within & across all 3 sets... goal is very little, if any, drop-off
4:50 Assault Bike spin

A. complete, fast and easy 

B. +25, +30, +30

+

complete


Deload week on the squats is silly. Super easy.

Low back continues to get blown up on this combo. +30 is probably a 5RM glute-ham raise... 

Dropped off a lot on the 3rd set - held 76-78 RPMs on the first two, fell to 70 in the last 0:10 of the 3rd one. Sorry... 

Shoulder is being a complete dick. I'm in a ridiculous amount of pain (like, 8/10, takes your breath away with any sudden movement), and Drew told me today that there's really nothing he can do for me, and he doesn't see a scenario in which I don't need additional surgery. MRI on Thursday, appointment with Tim on Monday. I'm kind of hoping for surgery as soon as possible, because it's seriously terrible. Other than the first couple of days post-op, this is by far the most pain I've had, and it's getting worse day by day. Drew also said that rehab the second time around is going to be very different, like in the sling for the full 4 weeks. Balls.

Monday

AM @ MobilityFit

15:00 Assault bike

+

dry needling of death

+

4 sets:

earthquake bar

5 x 0:30 isometric internal rotation hold, hand pressing into anterior hip and elbow as forward as possible

internal rotation with purple Crossover symmetry band

walking backwards with green Crossover symmetry band in isometric internal rotation position from above

PM

A. Safety bar squat, 5-3-1+ @ 180-205-225; 3:00 rest
B1. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 6 weighted; :10 rest
B2. Hip extensions, 3 x 9 weighted; :10 rest
B3. Death march, 3 x 12 steps heavier than last week; 2:00 rest
+
3 sets:
:35 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort that's sustainable within & across all 3 sets... goal is very little, if any, drop-off
4:25 Assault Bike spin

A. complete, 6 @ 225

B1/B2/B3. +10, +20, +20, subbed 0:30 Sorenson hold for the death march

+

complete, 79-80 RPMs, still faded just a little on the last one (77 in the last 0:05)

Squats felt super heavy today - it was a long weekend, and I'm feeling it.

Low back got lit up on B, shocker. 

Shoulder behaved slightly better on the plane last night - no swelling like Friday - but woke up with it extremely uncomfortable today. Literally everything had seized up, and it was the worst dry needling session, by far. Drew hit every single muscle, anterior and posterior, and every single spot he hit was awful. I think he felt bad because of how terrible it was. 

Got the debrief on his conversation with Tim last week. I had a complex labral tear from the 3:00 to 8:00 position, and he used two anchors, one at 5:00 and one at 7:00, to re-attach. Tim didn't see anything in the anterior capsule, ligament or otherwise, when he was in there. They came up with a plan to hammer internal rotation strength over the next 2 weeks and see if that makes a difference, while cutting pretty much everything else, and if there's not significant improvement at the 12 week mark, Tim will order an MRI. 

Drew thinks that the apprehension/relocation test that Tim did in the office 2 weeks ago was the straw that broke the camel's back, and because of the increased pain since then, it's likely that something's torn. It's completely unknown at this point if it's a new problem, one that was missed in the scope, or a failure of the repair. Drew was adamant that it really wasn't Tim's fault though - it was a test that he has to do as a surgical follow-up, with a "1 in 900 chance of causing damage." I should go to Vegas.

Drew advised cutting the deadlifts and Farmer's walks, at least for the next 2 weeks, just to remove as many variables as possible... 

Monday

AM @ Mobility Fit

10:00 Assault bike

+

3 sets:

Kettlebell screwdrivers 

Quarter external rotations 

External rotations with elbow on knee

Snow angels 

Crossover symmetry rows, As, both Ts

Earthquake bar 

Tricep extension 

Kettlebell front rack/farmer hold 

Z press 

PVC pull aparts

3 way bicep curls 

Trap 3 (cut after 1.5 sets)

PM

A. Safety bar squat, 3-3-3+ @ 190-205-215; 3:00 rest
B1. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 6 unweighted; :10 rest
B2. Hip extensions, 3 x 9 unweighted; :10 rest
B3. Death march, 3 x 12 steps; 2:00 rest
+
4 sets:
:30 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort - can use left arm
4:00 Assault Bike spin

A. complete, 8 @ 215

B1/B2/B3. complete, 25, 35, 40/hand 

+

complete


Slept (er, "slept") wrong on my shoulder last night - I heard it pop - and it has been bugging me all day. Drew isn't worried, he just said some days are going to be better than others. I'm super annoyed because it had been feeling REALLY good for the past few days, definitely the most consecutive good days to date. Dammit.  

Squats felt pretty good. Speed felt a tad slower than it has been on these.

Really liked the B combo!  Not really all that challenging, but kind of fun. 

Sprints dropped off within and across sets again. Hit 85 RPMs on the first 3, only hit 83 RPMs on the last one. Faded to 80, 78, 75, 75 respectively. Felt great until the 4th one.

-----

And now, for the "Dear Diary" portion of my blog:

I'm having a rough time. I think I'm actually clinically depressed.

Over the past 5 years, so much of my identity has gotten wrapped up in this silly sport. I know I'm really not very good at it, but it's been super fun just to see how good I could get.  Making training a priority made me a better person.  Not only am I fitter and healthier than I was 5 years ago, but I'm more confident, I manage my time better, I've ditched some really destructive habits and picked up some good ones, and I've made some wonderful friends. Also, I have a competitive personality, and I needed an outlet for that.

I'm starting to realize I had a pretty significant injury, so significant that I may not compete again. And I'm trying to figure out how to be okay with that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm rehabbing this as if I'm coming back better than ever.  Many people do (Conner, Duprie, George and Byrd, just at CSC alone). But, I'm 30 years old, I'm self-admittedly not all that good at this, and I would really, really not be interested in another shoulder surgery. At what point do you just cut your losses, and squat?

I enjoy training, I don't even really care what I'm doing specifically, as long as it's something. I love being in the gym with my friends. I like pushing myself and getting better, even if it's as lame as holding an arbitrary pace on the bike. It's really the lifestyle stuff that gets me. I made training a lifestyle, and it was easy to say no to certain things because I prioritized training, because I had a goal to become as good as I possibly could. I know there's nothing preventing taking my safety bar squats just as seriously as Fran, but it's not the same. And when allowing yourself to have two beers when out with friends turns into picking up margaritas at Mazunte on the way home multiple times per week, it's a pretty big red flag that we're going in the wrong direction.

Here's the thing. I need a goal. I've been blatantly ignoring my macros and eating out 3-4 times per week, and making ridiculously poor choices at that. I've drank more alcohol in the past 3 months than I have in the past 4 years. This is not an exaggeration. I should be throwing myself into my work with all my free time, but I find myself hiding in unoccupied offices for hours at a time and crying. At least I'm not drinking on my lunch break. Yet. I've been there before, and it wasn't good. 

The combination of stress, work stress, anxiety, depression, and fear of the unknown is literally wrecking me. Oh, then add in the shoulder pain and not having slept for 3 months. I know there's nothing to do right this second that will improve any of those things, except perhaps a drink.

I talked about all this with Mike today (yes, I cried. Poor guy. This was not in his job description.). He suggested using this time as an opportunity to get comfortable with moderation, and with being easier on myself than I have been regarding training, nutrition, etc. Problem is, I have an addictive personality, and I don't do moderation very well at all. I don't know how to be healthy and balanced without being all-in. And what am I all-in for? What's the point? I still don't want to get fat. I realize I've said that many times, and my actions are not reflecting that statement. I realize that what I'm doing is destructive, but it's like I'm watching from the outside and I can't stop.

I debated deleting this. I probably should have. I didn't write this for anyone but myself (I express myself so much better in writing), and I want to hold myself accountable and acknowledge that my recent behavior is not going to fly for the long term. Earlier, I said to Mike that I just don't care, and he's like, "no, if you really didn't care, you wouldn't have told me." So I'm putting it out there. I do care. I just don't know how to pull myself out of it. 

Monday

AM @ MobilityFit

10:00 Assault bike

+
dry needling
+
3 sets:
Front rack kettlebell hold with scaps retracted, 3 x 0:60 with 12/hand, 0:30 engaged Farmer's hold as rest
Banded external rotation with single orange band, 10
Banded shoulder press with orange band, 10
Banded tricep pull-down, 20 with cut red band
Earthquake bar, 2:00 hold with red bands and 20s, orange bands and 15s
Crossover Symmetry, rows (red), As (purple), Ts (thumbs up and palms up, green), single-side seated external rotation (green), 10 each
Z press, 10 with PVC pipe
Kettlebell screwdrivers, 10/side with 15lb
Quarter external rotations, 5/side with 2.5lbs
External rotation with elbow on knee, 10/side unweighted

Snow angel, 10 unweighted
Single-arm trap 3, 10/side unweighted
PVC pull-aparts, 10 with #1
3-way bicep curl, 10 each way with 5lb/hand

+

10:00 Assault bike

PM

A. Safety bar squat, 5-5-5+ @ 180-190-205; 3:00 rest
B. Glute-ham raises, 5 x 4-6 weighted; :90 rest
+
5 sets:
:25 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort - can use left arm
3:35 Assault Bike spin

A. complete, 9 @ 205

B. +10(5), +10(6), +20(4) x3

+

complete


I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Saw Tim for my 8 week follow-up today, and he was a little surprised, but not all that concerned, that my shoulder has been aggravated and rehab has been 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  (Although, it feels like 1 step forward and 2 steps back right now, but that's beside the point.) He then said "well, jump up here, let's take a look" and proceeded to do this test: (skip to 2:30). I about jumped off the table. This is the exact test that Tim did when he completely popped it out of the socket at my first appointment, and I was damn sure it was going to pop out again today. He did it like 3 times and it got worse and worse. If he exerted even the tiniest more pressure, or moved his hand off the anterior side, it would have popped out. It hurt like a fucking bitch. Tim said "huh, well we call that apprehension, which means that the joint is still unstable. The labrum repair is holding, because it didn't pop out of place, but the ligaments are still stretched out from the initial injury and that's why it feels unstable." 

Slow your roll.  Wasn't the surgery supposed to fix the instability?

So then, Tim said that I will just have to be very careful with loading the shoulder in certain positions, because right now it IS at an increased risk of re-dislocation. I asked if I fucked it up by moving really quickly in the first couple of weeks with Drew, and he said no, that this was from the original injury. I said that I couldn't imagine finding out in September or October, when I'm finally cleared for everything, that it's going to dislocate. Tim said what he said before, that just because he's repaired this tear, it doesn't mean it won't happen again. But is it even fixed? It certainly didn't feel like it. He doesn't want to see me until June (16 weeks out!), and said that Drew continues to be in charge, so he didn't seem to be all that concerned. But I think I'm having a worse panic attack than the first one when we scheduled surgery.

Stephen calmly said that if Tim was concerned, he wouldn't let me go another 8 weeks. I guess that makes sense, but I just feel this pit of dread in my stomach that I'm going to have to go through this again.

Meanwhile, this morning, Drew and I chatted for a long while about next steps and what to expect - we're definitely going to move slower with adding things in to avoid any more flare-ups and set-backs. Basically, I'm limited because of where the tears were - both anterior-inferior and posterior-inferior, which means that all kinds of things are going to be aggravating (that normally wouldn't bother a SLAP repair), and this is new territory for Drew, too. I'm fine with it taking a long time, especially in light of the appointment with Tim. At this point, I doubt it will ever be 100%, and that's terrifying.

Hoping to get a response from Drew soon, because I'm completely freaking out, if you haven't noticed.

I'll pause the panic attack to report on training:

Squats felt excellent. I think I channeled all my fear into my legs. 

GH raises were REALLY tough today - I used a different GHD than the last couple of weeks, I think the pad placement was different.

Sprints dropped off both within and across sets. Super grateful to only have 5 this week.

Ok.  I'm going to go continue panicking now.

Monday

AM @ MobilityFit
10:00 Assault bike
+
3 sets:
kettlebell screwdrivers, 10/side with 15lb
beginning of TGU, 5/side unweighted
external rotations with elbow on knee, 10/side unweighted
plank, 0:60 hold
+
dry needling (death)
+
20:00 gentle stretching:
tricep/levator scap/scalene
anterior delt
behind the back (butt) internal rotation with a band
sink stretch
+
10:00 Assault bike

PM
A. Safety bar squat, 5-5-5 (no additional reps this week) @ 140-150-160; 2:30 rest
B. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 4-8 weighted; :90 rest
+
6 sets:
:20 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort - can use left arm
3:00 Assault Bike spin

A. complete

B. +10, +15, +25(5)

+

complete 

Pretty much got lectured by Drew for Friday's work day... he's like, "Well I could have told you what the outcome would be, it wouldn't be good." Basically set me back another whole week - nothing but gentle stretching until I see him on Friday, continue the high dose Tylenol and ibuprofen, and I'm not medically cleared for bench work in the lab. Even though it feels like my shoulder has calmed down a lot over the past couple of days, today's dry needling was wholly miserable. He's not concerned (because every time I piss off my shoulder it DOES calm down, even if it takes a few days), and says this has happened to a few people, where they're feeling good and try to take on more than they're really ready for. But, he made me feel dumb for even attempting to go back to work... 

Stuff at CSC was good. I know the squats are on deload, but these were stupid easy. 

Assault bike sprints get me every time. 86 RPMs on the first one only, 83-84 for the rest. 

Monday

AM

@ MobilityFit

PM

A. Safety bar squat, 5-3-1+ (the plus indicates that you can continue w/additional reps on this last set, but still stop a few short of failure) @ 170-195-220; 2:30 rest
B. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 10-12 unweighted; :90 rest
+
6 sets:
:18 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort - can use left arm
2:42 Assault Bike spin

A. complete, 5 @ 220 

B. complete, 12 across 

+

complete 

Shoulder is super, super aggravated. I noticed it starting yesterday, the external rotations with my elbow on my knee were pretty uncomfortable (normally no issues at all with this), then throughout the day and night everything from midline to elbow, front and back, got extremely sore. My actual shoulder joint feels terrible, it's not just muscular. It feels like the joint line is bruised, super deep and straight through. Had to take Tylenol in the middle of the night (first time in over 2 weeks), which didn't even do anything. Got to MobilityFit early this morning and ran through almost a complete circuit of what I did last Wednesday before Drew got there (as instructed), and literally every single thing I did was painful. Drew dry needled my tricep and rotator cuff (which he said felt like a frozen stick of butter, which is apparently not what it's supposed to feel like), and he gave me the day off. Told me to load up on the ibuprofen and Tylenol today and tomorrow, and we'll see how it feels Wednesday. I don't really know what happened, I don't feel like I did anything in particular to aggravate it, and I don't see why it would have gotten worse yesterday when I didn't even run through the whole circuit. Drew said that I'm only 6 weeks out, and flare-ups and set-backs are totally normal at this point. He's not concerned, but I'm frustrated.

Squats felt great. Glute-ham raises were easy. Got a little pukey on the last sprint, which kinda caught me off guard. Only hit 86 RPMs on the first one, 83-85 on the remainder. 

Monday

AM @ MobilityFit
20:00 Assault bike

+

dry needling 

+

5:00 Assault bike

+

4 sets:

Farmers walk, 50m with 45/hand

Kettlebell rotations, 10/side with 15lb
Beginning of TGU, just to elbow support, 5/side unweighted
Quarter external rotations, 10/side with 2.5lb
External rotations with elbow on knee, 10/side with 2.5lb

Tricep kick backs, 10 with 15/hand

Dumbbell floor press, 15 with 20/hand
Serratus punches, 10/side with 20lb
Plank steps up and over 25lb plate, 3/side

3-way bicep curls, 10 with 10/hand

Single-arm bent-over trap 3, 10/side unweighted

PVC bar overhead pull-aparts in front, 10 with #1

Z press, 10 x 0:30 overhead hold with PVC, 0:30 rest 

Earthquake bar, 0:60 hold with long red bands and 12kg, double orange bands and 15s

Earthquake bar bench press, 10 with double orange bands and 15s

Plank with hands on indo board, 0:60

Plank with hands on indo board, rocking front/back, left/right, clockwise, counterclockwise, 10 each

Strict pull-ups, 10 with toes on box throughout (still no lockout but it's very very close)
Banded tricep pull-down, 20 with looped red band

Crossover Symmetry rows, red, x 10
Crossover Symmetry Ts, green, x 10
Crossover Symmetry As, purple, x 10

Ring rows, scaps engaged throughout, x 10

Lateral plank steps, 5 steps/side 

Houghston's As, 10 unweighted
Houghston's Ts, palms down, 10 unweighted

5 push-ups from knees, slow and controlled

Plank walk with feet on sliders, 25m forward + 25m backward


PM @ CSC

A. Safety bar squat, 3-3-3+ (the plus indicates that you can continue w/additional reps on this last set, but still stop a few short of failure) @ 185-195-205; 2:30 rest
B. Glute-ham raises, 3 x 10-12 unweighted; 2:00 rest
+
6 sets:
:15 Assault Bike @ highest possible effort - can use left arm
2:15 Assault Bike spin

A. complete, 7 @ 205 (considered bar to be 60)

B. 12 across 

+

complete 

Anterior delt is super pissed off, it felt like after I rolled over wrong the other night everything around my shoulder just seized up. Drew dry needled the shit out of it, that was maybe the worst dry needling has ever felt. Other than that my shoulder joint itself generally feels pretty good. Talked to Drew (again) about starting to shift some stuff to CSC - I was up there today from 8:40am to 1:15pm. Yep. 4.5 hours. Kirk and Drew went to lunch and came back and I still wasn't done. I'm committed, it's just a lot. 

Stuff at CSC was all good. Would have been good for another 2-3 reps at 205 if I wasn't chicken about the safety bar. 

Glute-ham raises were much easier than last week. Stopped at parallel, I think that's supposed to be more difficult than going all the way down?

Definitely got more of a sprinting effect with one arm on the bike. 85 RPMs on the first 4 sets, topped out at 83 RPMs on the last 2. 

Monday

@ MobilityFit
15:00 Assault bike
+
4 sets:
Z press, 10 with 5kg bar
Plank with hands on ground, 0:60
Alternating lift-offs from plank position, x 10
Plank lateral step-ups onto and over a 25lb plate, x 3
Kettlebell rotations, x 10 with 15lb
Tricep kick backs, x 10 with 10/hand
Serratus punches, x 10 with 15lb
Beginning of TGU, just to elbow support, 5/side unweighted
Quarter external rotations, x 10 with 2.5lb
External rotations with elbow on knee, x 10 with 2.5lb
Houghston's As, x 10 unweighted
Houghston's Ts, palms down, x 10 unweighted
3-way bicep curls, x 10 with 1.25kg/hand
Single-arm bent-over trap 3, x 10 unweighted
PVC bar overhead pull-aparts, x 10 with #1
Earthquake bar, 0:60 hold with long red bands and 20s, double orange bands and 12s
Strict pull-ups, x 10 with feet only assisting at the bottom position (no lockout)
Lateral plank steps, x 5 in each direction
Banded tricep pull-down, x 20 with looped red band
Crossover Symmetry rows, red, x 10
Crossover Symmetry Ts, green, x 10
Crossover Symmetry isometric A holds, [10 x 0:30]

@ CSC
10:00 Assault bike

+

Mobility, lower body and t-spine

+

Safety bar squat, build to a tough 5:

+160 on the bar (223?)

+

Glute-ham raises, 3 x 5-10 unweighted, 2:00 rest: 

10, 10, 8

+

Assault bike sprints, legs only 

0:15 on 

2:45 easy spin 

x 3

+

10:00 Assault bike 

Today had all the emotions, and, because this is my blog, you're going to hear about all of them.

Lost my shit with Drew this morning. I'm just frustrated and annoyed all around, and when I walked in and he just had me start cycling through the exact same goddamn stuff I've been doing at CSC, I lost it. He pulled me aside and started lecturing me about this being a process and I started crying. I get that this is a process, I'm just so bored and impatient. I'm over it already, and it's only been a month. He said that he's noticed my whole demeanor has gotten worse since the Open started, which is sort of true (it's really hard to sit out), but it really coincided with the week that he let me do all the things then he took them all away.  I told him that straight up, that it wasn't fair to tease me that this might not be as long of a process as advertised, and he said that everything is a learning curve for him too, and that every person is different and he doesn't have many people trying to get back to an advanced level so there's no blueprint.  We talked about starting to work on my own non-rehab programming at CSC, which I think will make a huge difference.  Drew said that I can't start to resent the process and I need to separate what I do at CSC with what I do with him (while still doing all the rehab stuff on days I don't go up to MobilityFit).  I need a goal and stuff to do that I can control, instead of just waiting for Drew to add stuff in.  

Other than the crying, the only notable things at PT today were the planks (no issues at all), and the strict pull-ups (still can't lock out at the bottom, but no issues pulling or lowering unassisted).

Then I saw Tim, and cried in front of him, too. It's not like he told me anything I didn't know or expect, it was just residual frustration. He basically said that things look good and that Drew is in charge of what and when stuff is added, with nothing dynamic until I see him again (April 11).  He did say to expect to have issues at end range internal and external rotation for a while, in addition to overhead.  I think he was a little surprised to hear that I still can't sleep, but didn't really offer any advice other than when my mobility improves, I'll be more comfortable.  Which sounds like a fancy way of saying this is a process and I just have to stick it out.

Things got better at CSC.  Stephen gave me some stuff to do, which was great. I think that if he didn't, I would have probably cried in front of him, too, and made it 3/3 for the professionals in my corner today. I cried in front of Mike last week, so don't worry, he wasn't left out.

Squats felt tough enough for today.  Not a max, and probably could have gotten at least another rep or two at that weight, but I'm still super hesitant about going heavy with no way to bail.

Glute-ham raises were fine, didn't stick to a tempo but tried to go slow.

It's pretty much impossible to sprint without arms on the bike (and also, where do you put them?!).  I could get up to 75-77 RPMs, but I don't think it's possible to go any faster and this wasn't that tough.

Aaaaaand... finally, Emily wins the award for the most exciting Open performances this year.  It's really cool to see someone do literally the best they possibly could and be rewarded for their effort, and now she's done it 3 weeks in a row.  That's freaking awesome.

Thursday

AM
5500m row @ Z1

PM
A. Power cleans, 3-2-1-1 (touch-and-go on the 3 & 2); 2:00 rest
B. Behind-the-neck shoulder press, 3 x 4-5, 31X1; 2:00 rest
C. Weighted glute-ham raises, 3 x 5-10, 20X1; 2:00 rest
+
10:00 @ 90%:
1 rope climb
10 AirDyne calories
5m handstand walk
10 AirDyne calories
+
800m walk cool-down

AM

complete in 28:10

PM

A. 155(3), 165(2), 175, 185Fx2

B. 68, 73, 78(1)

C. 10, 20(7), 20(7)

+

4 rounds 

+

complete 

So, my knee is fucking with me. Woke up this morning with it extremely stiff and had a sharp pain every time I extended it. I thought it would have improved overnight but it was the same as last night (if not worse) when I woke up this morning. Almost subbed out the row for airdyne, but ended up just shorting the stroke on my Z1 row. Walking was painful all day. Wasn't sure how training would go, but nothing I did made it feel any worse than walking did, so I didn't modify anything. And now, a few hours after training, it feels back to normal. WHAT THE HECK. I've been much better about icing it today and maybe the large quantities of ibuprofen finally kicked in. This is weird.  Anyway. 

Power cleans weren't as good as last week. 

BTN shoulder press continues to be terrible. Failing 2 reps at 78lbs is embarrassing. 

The tempo on the GH raises was much easier this week. 

LOVED the 10:00 piece - super fun. Rope climbs were all very fast and transitions were quick. 

Mom had another great day in class... this makes me happy and proud.