Thursday

AM @MobilityFit

2 sets:

Assisted ROM on the assault bike 

Hinged flexion stretch 

Wall climbs with fingers 

Isometric RC holds, just 6 ways 

Internal/external rotation to neutral 

3-way bicep curl 

Scap retraction on crossover symmetry, purple 

Gentle ROM on the erg, feet on the ground 

400m sled drag, 45

PM @CSC

60:00 Assault bike, off every 10:00 for: 

lunge to the GHD

8 hip extensions 

8 glute-ham raises

lunge back to the bike

(just 5 sets)

PM2 @Oakley Pool 

10:00 assisted ROM

Today was a success! 

1) I did not cry at PT.  We cut the subscap internal rotation isometric holds and limited the ROM on the wall climbs, which have been the two most painful things. Plus, I took a lot of time between movements and Drew sent me out for a couple of "active recovery" sled drags to give my shoulder a break. Still significantly uncomfortable just at rest, but didn't surpass my tolerance level. 

2) I ate lunch with my right hand, without even thinking about it. 

3) My ROM underwater is fantastic. It's SO WEIRD. Against gravity, I can barely move my arm, in any direction (although it's better than it was on Monday). But underwater? I can get 80-90% in all directions (except internal/external rotation) completely pain-free. It hurts like hell when I get out, but Drew said he expected that. I still feel ridiculous standing in the middle of the pool just waving my arms around, but who gives a shit. It feels fantastic. 

Wednesday

AM @MobilityFit

10:00 assisted ROM on Assault bike

Dry needling, upper trap

5:00 assisted ROM on Assault bike

Wall climbs with fingers 

Hinged flexion stretch 

Isometric RC holds, 7 ways 

Internal/external rotation to neutral 

3-way bicep curl, unweighted 

4:00 on the erg, rocking back and forth and barely using arms, feet on the ground 

Wall climbs with fingers 

2:00 on the erg 

Surpassed pain threshold for today 

PM @CSC

1600m sled drag from waist, 45

+

30:00 with a lacrosse ball

I wonder how long it's going to be this bad. Drew just keeps giving me hugs and letting me go home when it's clear I'm on the verge of tears. I've spent a lot of time at MobilityFit and have yet to see anyone in this much pain, which makes me nervous that we haven't given it enough time to heal. Orrrrr... I'm just a giant wimp. 

Tuesday

AM1 @home

20:00 Airdyne 

AM2 @MobilityFit
2 sets:
15:00 Assault bike for assisted ROM (back and forth, not a complete revolution)
Flexion stretching, hinging at the hips against the rig
Wall climbs with fingers
Tabata isometric RC holds against rig, 7 ways
400m sled drag from waist, 45 on the sled

PM1 @CSC

60:00 Assault bike, off every 10:00 for 25 anchored sit-ups

PM2 @Oakley Pool

10:00 assisted ROM in the water, less zombie-like than yesterday 

PM3 @home

2x 15:00 Marc Pro

Did I mention that this is awful?

Drew wanted me to run through the circuit three times, but I had a really hard time with the added stuff, especially the isometric holds, and couldn't tolerate any more for today. Asking my severed and sutured subscap to fire is a whole new level of hell. 

Monday

AM1 @home 

20:00 Airdyne 

AM2 @MobilityFit

Pep talk from Drew 

Dry needling, cupping and Graston 

Wrist stretching 

Isometric RC holds against rig (flexion, extension, abduction, adduction)

Unweighted 3-way bicep curls 

Unweighted internal/external rotation to neutral

20:00 Marc Pro

PM1 @CSC

40:00 Assault bike, off every 10:00 for a lap of walking lunges (just 3 sets)

PM2 @Oakley Pool

10:00 passive flexion (aka standing like a zombie in the middle of the pool)

PM3 @home 

2x15:00 Marc Pro

Aaaaaand we're back to rehab being a full time job.

Good to see Drew today. He was right: totally different this time around. Sigh. 

Drew reiterated that this was just shitty, shitty luck, but if it had to happen to someone, he was glad it was me because I understand that I'm an outlier and don't place blame on him or on Tim. He did say that he's learned to take people a little more seriously, or at least investigate further, sooner, if things grind to a halt with clients in the future and they really think something is wrong. I said I was just glad there was something fixable after the inconclusive MRI, and that having him in my corner really helped speed things along with the second surgery. Drew said we are taking it super slow moving forward but he'll try to get me back to where I was, with the understanding that I'm going to have to pay very, very close attention to the left shoulder going forward because it's going to have the same loose capsule issue with any significant injury in the future. We are hoping that slamming the rotator cuff strength, always and indefinitely, will keep the left side attached. I said I'm approaching this completely differently this time around, and that I'm trying to just wade through the process without being attached to outcomes. A week out from the first surgery, I was gung-ho to beat Ger Sasser and be doing muscle-ups 3 months out. This time, I might be okay if I never do a muscle-up again (although power cleans and strict pull-ups are non-negotiable). Drew was visibly relieved to hear that, but he agreed that it's smart to just take it week by week and see how the rehab goes, and see where I am a year from now. He has hope, even while I have pretty low expectations. He said he had been looking forward to me coming back all month because he doesn't like to fail. I said he didn't fail, and he said that's true, but he hasn't succeeded yet. 

My elbow, wrist and neck are really jacked up from being in the sling. Drew was happy to hear I haven't been wearing it at home, and wants me to use it less and less throughout the week and get back to using my right arm when I'm in a safe environment and paying attention. I'm scared to go without it, but my elbow is so jacked up that I can't straighten it fully, so Drew is probably right. He and Tim both have said my shoulder is healed enough that I won't fuck it up by using it around the house, but it hurts so much that I really don't want to use it. At all. 

My arm is useless. My ROM is nonexistent, in all directions, and the isometrics were really painful even with minimal pressure. Bicep curls were fine, which was shocking. Or maybe not so shocking, since the SLAP/bicep attachment is the only part of my labrum that wasn't torn. I guess that's something. 

Drew suggested getting in a pool and letting the resistance of the water help passively with ROM. He said to put my arms in front of me like an air squat in the water, which sounded fine in his office but when I got to the pool and just stood in the middle like a zombie, I felt ridiculous. He was right though, I had a lot better ROM in the water. My shoulder didn't hurt at all in the pool but the minute I got out it was super aggravated. It did feel delightful to get wet on this 93 degree day. 

My shoulder fucking HURTS. Jesus. I can barely tolerate the Marc pro, even on low, but since my hand is still super swollen, and I've been so immobile, Drew thinks flushing things out will help a lot. I haven't felt better than an 8/10 since the surgery and it edged back up to a 9 today. Tim and Drew both said it will start to feel better when I start to use it more, but this seriously blows. 

Sunday

35:00 Airdyne 

Saturday

AM

60:00 Assault bike, off every 10:00 for 50m walking lunges (5 sets)

Oh my god. I am unfit. 

Friday - 4 weeks post-op

AM

slept in

PM

happy hour 

Thursday

AM

20:00 Airdyne

PM
pity party

Saw Tim today. Left his office frustrated and in tears. Until today, I felt like I was handing this whole shitty situation much better than I did the first time around. I just kind of accepted that it sucks but it is what it is, and I felt relieved and a little vindicated that the amount of pain I was in had a repairable cause and I could finally start to put this whole thing behind me. 

Today, Tim said the goal was to regain normal everyday function of my right arm.

Tim said that I had blown up my shoulder and it was one of the more extensive shoulder reconstructions he's done. I said that's exactly what it felt like. He asked what my ROM was like, and I said "nonexistent." He had me take off the sling and try a few things. I have severely limited flexion and abduction (like, shockingly limited). He said "come on, you can go higher" but I really couldn't - it was stiff but not that painful, just literally wouldn't move. He tried to externally rotate my arm with my elbow at my side and I have ZERO external rotation, which he said he expected based on the repair. Then he took my elbow in his hand and put me in a position of abduction and forced external rotation and I immediately jumped and said my shoulder was going to dislocate - just like last time he did this test.  And also it was super fucking painful, like to the point of tears. Tim said "you're going to have to get over that feeling of apprehension that it's going to dislocate, it's sewn up so tight that it's mechanically impossible to dislocate." It freaked me out. You'll understand that I'm a little gun shy about this. I love Tim, but he kind of blew me off twice when I said it felt like it was going to dislocate after the first surgery. Look where we ended up. Tim said he knows I'm paranoid and scared but I just have to trust him that he fixed literally everything, inside the joint and outside the capsule, and it's not going anywhere. 

I can start weaning out of the sling in protected environments but continue to use it if it helps with discomfort. I'm hoping that by the end of next week after 3 sessions with Drew I'll feel more comfortable without it. I asked if I can start doing a little more exercise than easy pedaling, and he cautioned me to be very smart about it and to clear everything with Drew first. I'm hoping that Drew won't have a problem with sled drags and unweighted lunges and air squats, and maybe a weighted belt squat, at the very least. There's no way I'm getting anywhere near a weighted safety bar while it still hurts this much just sitting here on the couch, but I have to get back to some sort of training schedule. Tim said we've given it enough time to start healing that I'm not going to damage the repair, but definitely not to push through the pain. PT is going to be awful, because it's going to be several weeks of Drew forcing ROM and breaking up scar tissue on freshly cut and repaired tissue before I get frozen shoulder. Awesome. 

Tim said it will take a long time for it to stop hurting, it will still be a while before I can sleep comfortably in bed (still in the fucking recliner) and it will be 6 months before I can put any significant stress on my shoulder. He asked if I had any questions. My biggest question is whether my shoulder will ever be 100%, but I haven't asked that question because I don't want to hear the answer. So I said "no, not really, I'm just trying to accept that it's going to be a long process. It's okay though." And he said "no, it's not okay. It blows." And that's why I love him. 

Spent the afternoon eating a giant plate of Chelsea's birthday treats and drinking a whole bottle of wine. This is my only pity party, but by god is it a pity party.

Wednesday

AM

20:00 Airdyne 

PM

20:00 Airdyne 

Tuesday

AM

20:00 Airdyne

PM

20:00 Airdyne 

Skyped with Mike today. A brief history of the past two months, nutritionally:

Most of May: was not eating enough, and was drinking too much - both due to pain and stress; weight steady at 158

May 27: surgery 

Two weeks post-op: nothing but animal crackers and Popsicles 

June 10-14: vacation, including 2 trips to Voodoo donuts - let's leave it there. 

June 15-June 19: eating with reckless abandon back at home, but tracked: 3 of these 5 days hit 3,000 calories - partially because I was feeling sorry for myself, partially because I got away with eating shit and not gaining weight before (but I was training...minor detail), and partially because I don't know how to eat like a normal person without meal prepping. 

June 19: realize I'm getting fat. 

June 20-21: make reasonable choices based on what kinds of food I can open/cook/eat with one hand; start to panic that I'm really getting fat. 

Mike talked me off the ledge. He said my pre-packaged / convenience foods are still of nutritionally higher quality than most of his clients. I felt like my carbs were on the high side for very limited physical activity, but Mike disagreed. He said he liked where I kind of naturally fell calorie and macro-wise the last couple of days, so I'll try to keep it around there. It's hard without meal prepping. 

2000 calories 

Minimum 120g protein 

Close to 70g fat 

Carbs up to 200g ish

Monday

AM

20:00 Airdyne 

PM

20:00 Assault bike 

Too hot. 

Sunday

AM

20:00 Airdyne

Saturday

60:00 Assault bike 

Friday - 3 weeks post-op

AM

20:00 Airdyne 

Thursday

AM
20:00 Airdyne

PM
20:00 Airdyne 

Wednesday

AM
20:00 Airdyne

PM

20:00 Assault bike 

I have a feeling I'll be doing most of my biking in the comfort of my air conditioned apartment until the sling is off and/or the humidity breaks. The chafing... my god, the chafing...

Friday - Tuesday

Awesome weekend in Oregon. Lots of walking. Lots of eating. 

Friday - 2 weeks post-op

If you are considering air travel 14 days post shoulder reconstruction: don't. 

Although, first class helps. And Vicodin. 

Thursday

60:00 Assault bike 

120-134 watts / 43-45 RPMs 

Aka pretty much normal Z1 pace 

Tuesday

50:00 Assault bike, easy

Saturday - Monday

Saturday - Sunday 

Bloodline, season 1

Monday 

60:00 pedaling at a glacial pace

Friday - 1 week post-op

6 episodes of Narcos

+

22:00 Assault bike, super easy

Thursday, post-op day 6

Finally got out of the house today!! Stopped taking the narcotic painkillers yesterday afternoon, and while I'm pretty uncomfortable, I was getting annoyed with feeling tranquilized. 

Saw Tim this morning. What a guy. He said that the whole story makes perfect sense in hindsight. Because the capsule wasn't tight enough to hold the humerus in the socket, especially posteriorly, the bone kept shifting onto the labrum (subtly, without dislocating) and the 7:00 anchor never had a chance to heal. When I started adding back in all the stuff at PT, and with near normal ROM, the unhealed inferior posterior tear extended up the whole backside of the labrum, causing the pain. When we backed off the PT, this weakened the muscular secondary stabilizers, which then meant there was literally nothing holding my humerus in place, and hence, the partial dislocation every time I moved my arm. He said its locked down super tight now, and in the sling for the next 3 weeks with no PT to let it get good and stiff, then we loosen it up slowly once everything is healed. The only lingering mystery is why this wasn't evident on the second MRI... it was written off as "post-surgical change." Errrrr... try again. 

I had to basically beg for gentle pedaling on a bike, and promise to do literally nothing else for the next 3 weeks. 60:00 super easy today. Felt really good to move just a little, but I can guarantee I'm spending the rest of the day back on the couch. 

Monday-Wednesday, post-op days 3, 4, 5

Kellie's here! 

I took a shower. 

I've spent a grand total of 11 minutes not in my recliner in the past 5 days. 

This. Is. Awful.