2015 in review

2015 was a big year.  A lot of things happened.

These were my goals for the year:

• continue to improve at bodyweight gymnastics, including pull-ups, dips, muscle-ups and handstand push-ups; combination of continuing to gain absolute upper body strength, and improving relative strength by losing a few pounds
• Check.  Highlights: consistent muscle-ups, even if I'm not stringing together big sets yet, and going from zero strict handstand push-ups to a max set of 16.  I'll take it.

• continue to improve aerobically and mentally; don't panic on long or hard training pieces, stay in it and put in the work
• Constant work in progress, and doesn't come naturally, but getting better.

• continue to clean up Olympic weightlifting technique, which will translate into numbers closer to what I'm capable of strength-wise (this year: 150 snatch, 220 clean and jerk)
• Nope.  Babying my knee all year meant that I finally learned how to power clean and power snatch, but I only snatched 140 (once) and cleaned 201 (twice).  I need technical instruction.  

• continue to keep nutrition on point without obsessing over being perfect or the number on the scale; focus on quality and eating to maximize performance
• Eeeeesh.  Fail on the obsessing part of that.  I'm very, very happy that I decided to work with Mike this year.  He is fantastic.  But, I'm a perfectionist and have a touch of OCD, so weighing and measuring my food for 6 months took a pretty big psychological toll.  From past experience, I knew it would be tough for me to lose weight, so I wanted to do everything perfectly that way I couldn't look back and say "well, if I had tried harder/done better/been more compliant, I would have had more success."  I feel very confident saying that I could not have tried any harder to lose weight while prioritizing performance.  Sitting comfortably at my leanest ever: 159lbs with noticeable improvement in body comp.

• make the right decision moving forward in the next chapter: finding the right fit, balancing professional ambitions while maintaining training as priority, and setting myself up for a high quality of life by managing expectations of stress
• I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, so I tried to hedge my bets and keep all my options open.  I started 2015 thinking that I would have to move away this year and start a postdoc elsewhere, and that made me sad.  I'm happier in Cincinnati than I have ever been, and didn't want to take a job in another state just because I was "supposed to," especially when I have reservations about this career path. I decided I wanted to stay in Cincinnati, and found the best position possible here that would allow me to keep an academic career track open while also allowing me to continue enjoying the lifestyle I have made for myself.  It was a very stressful transition, but now that I'm more comfortable in my new lab, I see very clearly that I would have had to give up training at this level had I taken a more traditional postdoc elsewhere.  I think I made the right decision.  Check.

Other notable events in 2015:

• Making a big contribution to the team during the Open (three scores!), and serving as the alternate on the Regionals roster
• Knee surgery
• Defending my Ph.D

So.  What's next? 

I'm kind of floundering, without a clear goal.  My mental breakdown / burn-out in the last month was largely fueled by the fact that I've made training my number one priority, and the concurrent realization that I'm just not that good.  It's kind of like, what's the point? I still want to be on the Regionals team, but I recognize that the possibility of that is slipping farther and farther away each year, despite my own personal improvements.  I refuse to have my only goal be dependent on others. I refuse to get competitive with my friends and begrudge their successes because they overshadow mine. I refuse to be content with mediocrity.  I love training. I love the person I've become since prioritizing training. And, I'm addicted to PRs.

But, still.  What's next?

2015 Open Recap

This Open season was awesome. Every single week, we had some amazing athletes just destroy the workouts and this was so much fun to watch and be a part of. We've got some pretty cool people here, and I'm proud to call them my friends.  This year was really inspiring and quite the bonding experience.  I love this place.

And also, progress is just the coolest. It was extremely gratifying to see the last year's work pay off, and I contributed 3 scores to help the team. And on the two weeks where I didn't contribute a score? I completely smashed it relative to where I was a year ago (muscle-ups and handstand push-ups). Thank you, Stephen!

It's these last 3 weeks which have really re-energized my goals and increased my motivation for training. Yes, compared to last year, I saw ridiculously huge improvements, not just in muscle-ups and handstand push-ups but also aerobically (15.5!). But, more than anything, having a taste of success makes me want to do even better and makes me excited for the upcoming year. I know I have the potential and I have the work ethic and I have the coaching in place. Just follow the program and see how far I can go. 

Of course, the Open is not everything and it's certainly not why I do this. It's a very nice benchmark for progress and a fun time in the gym to come together for a common goal. A spot on a Regionals team is still an ultimate goal, but it's not my driving force and I'm very aware of the many factors that go into team selection and team competition.  I refuse to set a goal that is dependent on other people. I'm just going to show up and put in the work and get better and continue to enjoy training. 

Speaking of, I miss training. That was a very long 5 weeks.  Can't wait to get back in it. 

Highlights:

15.1: hitting a 201lb clean and jerk, twice! 

15.2: adding 49 reps to my 14.2 score, which was already decent 

15.3: successfully catching muscle-ups under fatigue 

15.4: handstand push-up improvement under fatigue 

15.5: aerobic and mental improvement in a real nasty workout

2014 in review

What a year.  I don't know where to begin.

I hit some major training goals this year (300lb back squat! 200lb clean and jerk! muscle ups!!) and improved across the board in gymnastics, breathing, skills, mental toughness, etc.  For that, I have to thank Stephen.  Deciding to go with individual programming was the best decision I've ever made (well, second best, the best decision I've ever made was stepping foot into CSC for the first time).  It feels like Christmas every Monday when I'm eagerly awaiting my weekly programming that is specifically designed for me to improve.  And Stephen is so, so good at it.  Really, thank you, Stephen!  I appreciate this more than you know, and I don't thank you enough.  Following the program, putting in the work and trusting the process.  It works, and it's the coolest thing.  I can't wait to see where this goes.

It's been a frustrating year health-wise.  Between issues with both shoulders, bronchitis in the middle of the Open, and now this knee thing, I've had entire chunks of the year functioning at half-capacity.  And yet, the program still works and I'm still getting stronger.  I took almost 5 total months off of upper body work this year and I still PRed with 12 strict pullups, and a 205lb split jerk, and got a muscle up (and another, and another!).  It's still not easy for me to trust that taking time away from certain movements won't affect the big picture - right now, I feel like I'll never squat again.  But, I know that's not true and taking some time to focus on other things can be a good thing, and that there are always so many other things to work on. Like muscle ups. 

Mentally and emotionally, I'm the happiest and healthiest I've ever been.  A large part of that is truly enjoying my day to day life, and a large part of that is finally letting go a number of unhealthy behaviors. I feel like I have a much more balanced and healthy approach to pretty much everything nowadays, whereas in the past I've had major issues with doing anything in moderation (drinking, eating, shopping, etc).  I'm still paying for that, figuratively and literally.  But I know that weird, horrible, unhealthy chapter of my life is finally closed.  Surrounding yourself with friends who share common goals is key.  Thanks, Chels.  It's been so much fun doing this with you by my side this year.  I love you, buddy!

Of course, a review of the year would be incomplete without thinking of where to go from here.  I have few specific numbers or goals in mind for 2015; I trust that I will continue to improve at everything, and that's going to be so much fun.  I do need to put some weight on my snatch, that's getting embarrassing.  And, I'd love a 100kg clean and jerk, just because that sounds so badass.  But really, I'll be happy to do muscle-ups consistently, to do Fran with butterflied pull-ups, to continue to improve at breathing, and to give my best, even when it's uncomfortable.

2015.  Satisfaction lies in the effort, not the attainment.  Full effort, full victory.

2014 CrossFit Open Recap

This was the most fun I've had in my three years' Open experience.  Part of this was because of the atmosphere in the gym - everyone has been extremely supportive of one another, and genuinely excited to watch or help judge (very different from last year, which was just incredibly stressful).  But also, I feel like this year's Open was just a fun series of workouts, and I went into it with fairly low expectations.  Last year, I felt like every week the workout was designed for my express humiliation, and it was a really disappointing experience.  This year, I knew I was a  much different (better) athlete than I was in 2013, but I also accepted going into it that the Open doesn't validate my efforts over the past 12 months and it's not the reason I train.  I'm a very competitive person, and still look toward a Regionals (team) bid in the future, but I'm much more zen about knowing how much work I still need to do, and taking this year's Open as a benchmark.

Of the 3350 women registered in the Central East:
14.1: 248, 262 = top 20%
14.2: 85, 136 = top 5%
14.3: 137, 132 = top 12%
14.4: 175 = top 24%
14.5: 18:32, 16:43 = top 28%
overall: top 14%

...I'm still shocked that the CTB workout was my best finish!

And, of course, I'm extremely disappointed that I got sick right in the middle.  It's over and done.  Timing sucks, but what are you gonna do?  I know my scores for 14.4 and 14.5 aren't a true reflection of my abilities (and I want another shot at 14.4!).  I also know that if I can do 14.4 and 14.5 feeling as awful as I did, I really never have an excuse for skipping a workout again.

Really looking forward to individualized programming and to get back to training!

2013 recap

These were my 2013 goals:

finish in the top 250 in the Central East region nope, finished 472. but this was top 15%, compared to 39% in 2012.

100 double unders nope, but I've gotten much, much more consistent at hitting sets of 20-40 within a workout

300FY = 180 nope, maybe next year. I did improve from 150 to 162.

snatch 125lbs hit 125 back in August. While I am somewhat disappointed I haven't added to this, I am SO consistent at snatching now, and can hit 125 every single workout. I've even done 125 for a double (in October). Can't wait to see how much this improves in 2014.

overhead squat 150lbs nope, didn't come up in programming. Got 145 back in January, so pretty confident that I can beat that.

back squat 250lbs blew this one out of the water. Hit 240 in January. Got 280 in November, and can squat 255x2 for three consecutive sets. Success.

front squat 215lbs major, major success. 195 last December. 220 in April, but it was the ugliest front squat in history. Seriously. Stephen wouldn't even let me see the video. Got 250 in November, and can front squat 225x2 for three consecutive sets. Boom.

deadlift 325lbs nope, didn't come up in programming. I'm dying to test this. Got 315 in May.

clean and jerk 170lbs major success! At the end of 2012, my max squat clean was 135. In November, clean and jerked 180. yes.

row 1k in less than 3:50 almost. got 3:50.7 in January, and it hasn't come up since.

row 2k in less than 8:00 nope, never came up in programming. I don't think I could do this currently unless I start training specifically for this.

run 3k in less than 17:00 not quite. ran a 3k on the track in 18:23 in July. sub-17 might be doable now... next OPTathalon?

sub 10:00 Karen nope. 10:38 and that was during the open workout. I hate Karen and am not looking forward to testing this again, but confident it will be under 10:00.

sub 6:00 Fran not quite, but much, much improved. Went from 10:33 in Feb 2012 to 7:34 in April 2013 to 6:39 in July 2013. constant improvement.

consistently do butterfly pullups not really consistent, but if I'm not fatigued I can do small sets of 5 or so. Big 2014 goal.

improve pistols yes and no. With the bees knees, I'm SO much better at them! Without... well... there's a lot of falling.

improve handstand pushups these are really a work in progress, but I'm counting it as a success this year. I've improved A LOT. In September, 10 HSPU took about 15 minutes to complete. On December 1, did a workout with 45 HSPU, 30 deadlifts and and 90 double unders in 22 minutes. Success.

improve ring dips same as HSPU. WAY better than they used to be, but still not my best move.

get a muscle up nope, and didn't put in the work. 2014.

walk more ehhh, went in phases. not really.

watch less tv nope. fail.

spend less money ehhh... no. fail.

I'm so, so happy with my progress in 2013. I made a lot of mental progress as well. I learned so much about myself and about why I do this, and had a lot of fun in the gym. I've been eating rice since April and playing with Eat to Perform since August, and plan to continue that with some tweaking into the new year. Carbs have been my friend this year. Alcohol consumption has decreased from 5-7x/week (circa 2011-early 2012) to perhaps once per month or even once per two months. I feel amazing and I am happy. This was a really great year and I'm so excited for what's to come.

2012 Recap

2012 Goals:

Fitness:

• compete in the CrossFit Open
• compete in a competition (11.10.12)
• compete in an obstacle/mud race (6.30.12)
• 1 strict pullup (2.21.12)
• consecutive strict pullups
• 10 kipping pullups (6.12.12)
• 50 double-unders (12.2.12)
• 1 handstand pushup (3.19.12)
• 1 ring dip (3.27.12) 
• snatch 100lbs (7.2.12)
• overhead squat 100lbs (2.17.12) 120lbs (10.30.12)
• back squat 180lbs (3.5.12) 220lbs (9.12.12) 230 lbs (12.5.12)
• deadlift 200lbs (4.6.12) 285lbs (12.1.12)
• clean and jerk 125lbs (4.23.12) 140lbs (10.21.12)
• row 1k in less than 4:00 - haven't attempted, but confident I could do this
• run one mile at a 9:00 pace - haven't attempted, but confident I could do this too
• run a 5k in less than 36 (2.2.12) 34 minutes(3.18.12)

Health:

• no soda - going strong since November 2011
• planned meals only at home - 80% success
• limit alcohol - fail
• no drinking alone - fail

Finances:

• reduce credit card debt - fail, but finally on the right track
• stick to $400/month grocery budget - epic fail

Thoughts on 2012: 

I weigh the same ending this year as I did starting this year, and I don't care.  I feel healthy and strong and happy and prepared to kick 2013's ass.    Bring it!

September Recap

days with:
wine: 12
alcohol: 6
treats: 3
cheats: 4
gluten: 0

grocery budget: $584.18 (uhhh... not cool)

measurements:
waist: 86cm (same)
hips: 101cm (+1)
band: 91cm (+1)
bust: 108cm (+1)
thigh: 63cm (+1)
calf: 40cm (same)
arm: 33cm (+1)
neck: 35cm (same)

weight: 166.0 (+0.7)

WTF, mate?  

August Recap

I started August by trying to do a Whole30 and the structure reignited all my old crazy food issues.  I don't understand how I can eat Whole30 compliant most of the time without triggering the crazy, but put a timeline on it and I go nuts.  I guess this is fine, though, considering I would be happy eating this way the rest of my life.  Except for when I'm not.

I also passed my one year anniversary at CSC this month.  I celebrated by buying Oly shoes and moving up to OPT's SHE programming.  I can already tell after 3 days of training that I'm working harder than I have in months.  Can't wait to see what the next year brings!

days with:
wine: 11
alcohol: 2
treats: 2
cheats: 6
gluten: 1

grocery budget: $317.03 (would have been a lot less without all the wine!)

measurements:
waist: 86cm (-2)
hips: 100cm (-1)
band: 91cm (+1)
bust: 107cm (-3)
thigh: 62cm (-1)
calf: 40cm (same)
arm: 32cm (same)
neck: 35cm (same)

weight: 165.3 (-2.6)

Thursday 9 August

Today is my one-year anniversary of joining CSC!  I can't believe it's already been a year, and I can't believe it's only been a year.  This has been the best, and happiest, year of my life.  I feel confident and focused and strong.  I remember what it's like to be competitive, and how much I like to win, which has translated from the gym and improved my personal and professional life.  I regularly exceed the goals I set for myself, and I consistently surprise myself with what I can do when I stop thinking and start doing.  I'm learning to accept myself as I am while still striving to improve.  I have only lost about 8lbs (and a little more than 5 inches), but I have gained respect for my body and what it can do.  I can't wait to see what the next year brings!

930am:
5 sets of:
1 stone to shoulder
5 tire flips
yoke carry down and back (+100lbs)
+
sitting sled pull (attached to big rope; +165lbs)

1045am: eggs scrambled with chicken, broccoli and sweet potato

6pm: wine; olives; cheese; pork chop; steamed broccoli; baked sweet potato; peach

grocery:
$23.67 at Whole Foods (wine, olives, butter, cheese)

July Recap

Oh, vacation.  Look what you've done:

days with:
wine/alcohol: 17
cheats: 17
gluten: 1 :(
no exercise: 11

But only $188.16 spent on groceries!  Small victories.

With about a week left on my vacation, I couldn't wait to get back to regular exercise and clean eating.  I really felt like crap, which was a direct result of the crap I was eating and drinking.  Hence, the Whole30.  It would be nice if I remembered how good I feel when I eat clean.

June recap

For the month of June, I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't write down everything I was eating.  And you know what?  I made really good choices, food-wise.  I didn't feel so restricted, and yet this was my cleanest-eating month yet.  Except for the wine.  And cider.  And sangria.  That was really a problem, mostly because I feel like I've been on summer vacation for the entire month.  While I'm in CA I know I will drink a lot, but starting July 24, this has to stop.  Social occasions? Fine.  Every day?  Not okay.  Back to tracking?  Probably cheats and alcohol only.

Also, I haven't weighed or measured myself since May, and I don't want to.  That's how I know I've been making bad decisions with respect to alcohol.

binges/cheats: 2

rest days: 4

grocery cost: $576.65 (with at least $150 of that on wine...good lord)

April recap

days on plan: 19

days with:

treats: 7

cheats: 6

binges: 0

gluten: 0

wine: 9

other alcohol: 0

grocery budget: $653.59 (still WAY too much... maybe it's time to cut down on the impulse treat purchases)

workouts: 24

measurements:

Waist: 84cm (-1)

Hips: 100cm (+1)

Thigh: 61cm (-1)

Calf: 40cm (same)

Ribcage: 89cm (same)

Bust: 105cm (-1)

Arm: 32cm (same)

Neck: 34cm (-1)

Total: 545cm (-3cm)

Weight: 162.4 lbs (-1.2lbs)

March Recap

days on plan: 14

days with:

treats: 13

cheats: 6

binges: 0

gluten: 0

wine: 11

other alcohol: 4

grocery budget: $689.88 (more than rent... uh oh)

workouts: 23

measurements:

Waist: 85cm (same)

Hips: 99cm (same)

Thigh: 62cm (+1)

Calf: 40cm (same)

Ribcage: 89cm (same)

Bust: 106cm (-1)

Arm: 32cm (same)

Neck: 35cm (same)

Total: 548cm (same)

Weight: 163.6lbs (+0.7)

Let's chalk March up to a maintenance month. Kind of disappointing (especially considering the amount of money I spent on groceries), but I'm feeling really good, and feeling like I look pretty good, too. So let's keep it up but maybe with fewer treat days?

February recap

days with:

treats: 6

cheats: 3

binges: 2

gluten: 1

wine: 10

other alcohol: 0

grocery budget: $527.12 (way over $400!)

workouts: 25

measurements:

Waist: 85cm (-2cm)

Hips: 99 (-2cm)

Thigh: 61 (-3cm)

Calf: 40 (same)

Ribcage: 89 (same)

Bust: 107 (-1cm)

Arm: 32 (same)

Neck: 35 (same)

Total: 548 (-8cm)

Weight: 162.9 (-3.7lbs)

6 month measurements

Waist: 87cm (-3cm)

Hips: 101cm (-3cm)

Thigh: 64cm (same)

Calf: 40cm (-1cm)

Ribcage: 89cm (-4cm)

Bust: 108cm (-4cm)

Arm: 32cm (same)

Neck: 35cm (-1cm)

Total: 556cm (-16cm)

Weight: 166.6lbs (-8.4lbs)

After 6 months of Crossfit and Paleo, I was hoping for more progress. However, August, September and October did not see 100% effort on either the exercise or eating fronts. Here's hoping that the next six months will bring even bigger change as work and food are more consistent.

January Recap

*only counting 27 days, since I was on vacation through the 4th*

days with:

treats: 3

cheats: 4

binges: 4

gluten: 2

wine: 23 (ok, that's a problem)

other alcohol: 4

workouts: 20

measurements:

waist: 87 (same)

hips: 101 (same)

thigh: 64 (+1cm)

calf: 40 (same)

ribcage: 89 (-1cm)

bust: 108 (-1cm)

arm: 32 (same)

neck: 35 (same)

weight: 166.6 (up 0.7lbs)

December recap

*only counting 15 days, since vacation starts on the 16th*

days with:

treats: 4

cheats: 3

binges: 2

gluten: 0

wine: 5

other alcohol: 3

workouts: 11

measurements:

waist: 87 (same)

hips: 101 (-2)

thigh: 63 (same)

calf: 40 (same)

ribcage: 90 (-1cm)

bust: 109 (-1cm)

arm: 32 (same)

neck: 35 (same)

weight: 165.9

November Recap

days with:

treats: 14

cheats: 4

binges: 1

gluten: 0

wine: 10

other alcohol: 3

workouts: 27