Thursday

28:00 post-work hike @ Mt. Airy Forest

1) The full night's sleep was too good to be true. Dammit.

2) I want to make it a habit to hike after work, at least during the summer, on my off days.

3) I talked to Abby McConnell today.

I wanted to text Abby a couple of weeks ago, when my shoulder was super aggravated, to ask if she had a similar experience or a similar setback. But then, I heard that her shoulder was bothering her again, and she was going in for another MRI, and I chickened out. I didn't want to think about her having a bad outcome. She texted me out of the blue today, asking how I was doing, and then told me she's going back under the knife on Wednesday because she retore her labrum on the inferior side, which had supposedly been repaired (but the SLAP repair was holding just fine), and had partially re-dislocated it twice after surgery.

My repairs were both inferior. I haven't re-dislocated it, but it was so fucking close on Monday, under a doctor's supervision, on a test where it SHOULD NOT DISLOCATE.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

I still haven't talked to Drew (I see him tomorrow morning). I just have a sinking feeling that we pushed it too hard early on, and even though we've backed off now, it's too late, and I missed the chance for the repair to really heal. I also wonder if Drew's protocol and his success stories are all for SLAP repairs, and it's not optimized for dislocation-type injuries, or inferior labral repairs. I respect Drew a lot; I think he's fantastic and I don't want to step on any toes, because this is all paranoia and anxiety-fueled speculation, and way outside my field. But, it seems like something to consider.

I can't do this again. It really, REALLY sucked. A lot. And also, my boss has been absolutely fantastic through this whole thing, but his patience has worn thin. We discussed today about how I need to be even more productive in the coming months to make up for lost time. I can't take another 8 weeks off of work if I need surgery again.

I can't wait until June to talk to Tim. I've pretty much decided that I'm texting him tomorrow, after I talk to Drew. The anxiety is eating me alive. It doesn't need to be a whole texting conversation, I'm happy to make an appointment. But I'm freaking out.

I've been mulling over what it would be like if this is just, it. Maybe I'm done. I made a comment a few months ago that I couldn't see myself quitting being competitive unless I had a catastrophic injury. Drew (and Tim) got my hopes up that I'd make a full recovery, even if it took a while. But now, I'm wondering if this is my catastrophic injury, and this is it. Have I done my last muscle-up?